And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize