Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
