it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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