is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
