My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
