She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
