its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
