so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
