Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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