Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
