im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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