there was a trapeze. enough said
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
