I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
