she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
