I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
