Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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