You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
