Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize