I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
