Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
