this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
