I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
