: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
