girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
