If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
