but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
