This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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