Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
