i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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