I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
