I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
