Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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