Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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