and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
