You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
