I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
