I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
