she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
