Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
