you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
