I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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