he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
