I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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