"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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