my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
