Please, let me fuck your mom
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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