roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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