I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
