I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
