Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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