You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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