In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
