You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
