Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
