So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
