somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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