I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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