Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
