She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
