I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
