normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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