I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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