its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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