Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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