its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
