2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
