Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
