i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
